Password

Happy Monday! Hope this cheers you up! 😀

“Sorry, your password has been in use for 90 days and has expired – you must register a new one”.
roses

“Sorry, too few characters.”
pretty roses

“Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character.”
1 pretty rose

“Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.”
1prettyrose

“Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters.”
1fuckingprettyrose

“Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character.”
1FUCKINGprettyrose

“Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.”
1FuckingPrettyRose

“Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters when upper case is used.”
1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow.

“Sorry, you cannot use punctuation.”
1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow

“Sorry, that password is already in use.”

 

10 Ways to Help Your Child with Homework

School started about a month ago. I have been busy keeping up and helping with my kid’s homework. For my fourth grader, I review her math homework everyday, making sure she gets the help she needed, and I have to sign her “parent/teacher” communication “organizer” every weekday. For the 6th grader, homework help also involves lot of math and reviewing his daily organizer.

So far both kids are going pretty good at school. They both got all “A”s but one B on their progress reports. I think homework has played an important role in their learning experience, and I am going to share the things you can do to help your child with their homework.

1. Let your child know that homework is important and valuable.

You must have heard your child (or some other kids) saying “I hate homework!” – actually I have heard both of my kids say that! lol! I told them that well sweetie homework is important and if there is not homework, you will likely forget what you learned in class!

2. Set a regular time each day for homework, allowing some time to unwind after school before getting started.

I usually give them 30 minutes after school to rest and relax – having some drink or snack before start doing homework. Don‘t let your child leave homework until just before bedtime.

3. Be sure your child has all essentials, such as papers, book, school notebooks, and pencils.

This seems obvious. I check their supplies, especially pencils and erasers before they come home from school.

4. Help your child get organized by providing folders for papers and a calendar and/or assignment book.

Both of my kids have a folder for themselves, to file their homework, assignments and testes by subject. This helps them review what they learned so far.

5. Have a quiet, clean and well-lit place to study, with a comfortable chair. Keep all schoolwork there.

Again I make sure their desks are clean before they come home from school. They both have table lamps on their desks and enough space.

6. Discourage distractions, including TV, during study time. Allow study breaks at intervals.

No TV while doing homework, otherwise they will never finish and get everything wrong! lol. I do let my kids take a short break if they are having trouble keeping their minds on an assignment.

7. Be available to answer questions or help quiz your child, but keep homework as his or her responsibility to complete.

I am always there to help them with any questions.  but when I help them I give them guidance, not just answers.

8. Spot check homework when it’s completed, but don’t correct assignment unless the teacher has asked you to.

I actually check every question on their homework, which is requested by their teachers. I also ask them to correct the wrong one and check again!

9. Read any comments the teach has made on returned assignments.

Communication with teachers is important! I “talk” with my daughter’s teacher through this “parent/teacher” organizer/calender, and my son’s teacher always reply my email messages promptly!

10. If a homework problem arises, contact the teacher for clarification.

If there are problems both my husband and I can’t help, we make sure the kids ask their teach and follow up on them.

REMEMBER – Praise your child for homework done to the best of his or her ability. Best wish for your child’s success!!

 

A Frugal Businessman

Recently read it, have to “save” it. too funny
******************
A businessman walked into a bank in New York City and asked to see the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going out of town for two weeks and needed a $5,000 loan.The loan officer told the business man that there had to be some type of insurance on the loan. One option was to offer up some collateral. The businessman said he had a Rolls Royce parked outside that he could offer as collateral. The bank employees checked out the vehicle and parked it in the bank’s underground garage.

The businessman returned two weeks later to pay back the loan and retrieve his car. He paid back the $5,000 and the interest which totaled about $15. While he was away, the bank was able to check his account status. They noticed he had millions of dollars in the bank. One employee asked him why he would need a $5,000 loan. The businessman replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for $15?

 

Dear Tech Support

INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1..0, and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as:
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5,

and then installed undesirable programs such as :

· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4..1 …

Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
· Boy friend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command::ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

· If that application works as designed , Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 ,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 ..

· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 -program These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

 

Letter to IRS on April 15th

Dear IRS,

I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog license tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting license tax, fishing license tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, Medicare tax, city, school and county property tax, real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle license registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, my state sales tax, and sales tax in other states that I have visited. There are many more that I can’t recall but I have run out of space and money.

When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake, (I’m out of cash). Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangel, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Daschle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

P.S. I will try to make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.