Community Service

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.

 

How To Deal With Young Picky Eaters

Does this sound familiar? “Yuk! I’m not eating dinner. I don’t like anything here.” If you have a picky eater in your household – and most families do, there are some easy ways to help her get through this stage.

Keep conversation at mealtime light and keep your cool. If your child says she doesn’t like the food, don’t push her to eat more. Instead try to find out what she likes by serving small portions, and encourage her to try a bit of each item. Stay calm and don’t let food become a power struggle between you and your child.

Have your child involved in preparing meals. You can let her help you shop for food, pick out recipes, While she watch you cook or cooking together, you can talk about how to make a healthy meal and give her choice. For example you can ask her if she prefer to have grilled chicken or fish. Having a say lets her feel more important and in control and she’ll be more likely to eat the meal she help prepared.

Don’t give up . Over time, your youngster’s tastes will change. For foods he has turned down before, try offering them in a different way. For instance, make “carrot fries” (toss carrot sticks with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and bake at 425F until tender and browned). You child who “hated” carrots might love this version!

Watch the clock around the meal time. Make sure your child is hungry for meals. Encourage her to be busy with homework or play before dinner or lunch, and it’s important no snacks of any kind an hour before mealtime. This step is very important because she won’t eat much no matter what you server her if she is not hungry!

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little Chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to Ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road.  We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not the chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken‘s’ intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the r oad. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?  Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released “eChicken 2008″, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of “eChicken 2008″.
This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

 

Spell Checker Blues

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it’s weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Anon

Read this on wahm.com message board, it is two funny, “eye yam i’m pressed”, halve two right it down. 🙂

 

51 ways to say ‘I love you’

This is a list of 51 ways to say to your child ‘I love you’. The idea behind the list is to give parent s a wide variety of ways to share some special moments with their children and to use actions instead of words to say “I love you”.

This comes from a handout my son’s teacher gave me a couple years ago, I have kept it for two years and I just want to “publish” it here and share it with other parents.

1. Say “I Love You” to your child every day in many ways.

2. Give yourself a 10-second timeout before dealing with your child when you are angry.

3. Take a walk with your child. Talk about the smells and sights along the way.

4. Look for a rainbow, a pretty leaf, a perfect spider web.

5. Work a puzzle with your child.

6. Listen to your child’s laughter. (Bet you feel a smile coming on!)

7. Visit a library with your child. Pick out some books to read together and some records to listen to together.

8. Make cookies with your child. Then have a party and eat them together.

9. Ask your child to draw a picture that says “Love in the family.”

10. Read the comic section of your Sunday paper together.

11. Be sure to pay attention when your child talks to you.

12. Make a list of positive words. Refer to it often when talking to your child.

13. Make up stories to tell your child.

14. Plan a trip to the zoo. Find pictures of zoo animals and talk about them with your child.

15. Learn a new song with your child. Sing to your child often. Teach your child the songs of your childhood.

16. Involve your child in preparing a special meal.

17. Make bread from scratch on a rainy day.

18. Set a good example for your child by never using words that hurt.

19. Talk to your child about what to do in an emergency.

20. Declare every day a “Hug Day.” Ask for hugs for yourself.

21. Go outdoors to play with your child. Enjoy the fresh air.

22. Help your child help you keep your home clean. Start with easy chores that your child can do.

23. Watch a television program with your child. Pick one that is age appropriate and talk about it afterword.

24. Go to a park. Everyone play.

25. Praise your child every day.

26. Model and teach your child not to use hitting to solve problems.

27. Get together with other parents. Share experiences.

28. Do something nice for yourself. Have a trusted friend watch your child.

29. Find something to laugh about with your child every day. Give yourself permission to be a little silly with your child.

30. Display your child’s “artwork” prominently and proudly.

31. Take a few minutes to sit and rock your child when you both feel like resting.

32. Invite your child’s playmates to your home, then provide a safe place to play.

33. Most children love water. Take a walk in the rain, go swimming, play with bubbles, get out the sprinkler, find sieves, cups, funnels and plastic toys for bathtub fun.

34. Take your child to a museum. Talk about what you see. Answer questions carefully.

35. Pack a picnic lunch together. Cut sandwiches into interesting shapes, make “veggie creatures.”

36. Tell your children special stories about their own beginnings – how they looked, cut things they did as tiny babies – things that make them unique in all the world.

37. Think up your own “field trips.” How about your local fire house, a pumpkin patch, an apple orchard, a farm.

38. Rent a movie that you can enjoy with your child. Make popcorn and have your own “Saturday Night at the Movies.”

39. Help your child look forward to bedtime. Develope a quiet ritual that could include a war bath, warm towels, a bedtime story, some cuddling, a healthy snack.

40. Have confidence in your children so they can develop a sense of self-confidence.

41. Play all kind of music for your child. Sing and dance to the rhythms together.

42. Give your child choices. “Do you want to help clear the table or wiple the dishes?”

43. Remember to say “I’m sorry” to your child.

44. Reinforce positive behavior.

45. Teach your child to solve problems. Ask “what do you think we should do?”

46. Tuck a love note in your child’s lunch box, back pack, coat pocket or under the pillow.

The following are my ideas: 🙂

47. Check your child’s school work and homework.

48. Talk with your child’s teacher about how your child does at school.

49. Visit interesting kids websites with your child.

50. Play fun and educational games with your child.

51. Make crafts with your child together.

Parents, do you have more ideas? Share it leave a comment!