Password

Happy Monday! Hope this cheers you up! 😀

“Sorry, your password has been in use for 90 days and has expired – you must register a new one”.
roses

“Sorry, too few characters.”
pretty roses

“Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character.”
1 pretty rose

“Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.”
1prettyrose

“Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters.”
1fuckingprettyrose

“Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character.”
1FUCKINGprettyrose

“Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.”
1FuckingPrettyRose

“Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters when upper case is used.”
1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow.

“Sorry, you cannot use punctuation.”
1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow

“Sorry, that password is already in use.”

 

A Frugal Businessman

Recently read it, have to “save” it. too funny
******************
A businessman walked into a bank in New York City and asked to see the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going out of town for two weeks and needed a $5,000 loan.The loan officer told the business man that there had to be some type of insurance on the loan. One option was to offer up some collateral. The businessman said he had a Rolls Royce parked outside that he could offer as collateral. The bank employees checked out the vehicle and parked it in the bank’s underground garage.

The businessman returned two weeks later to pay back the loan and retrieve his car. He paid back the $5,000 and the interest which totaled about $15. While he was away, the bank was able to check his account status. They noticed he had millions of dollars in the bank. One employee asked him why he would need a $5,000 loan. The businessman replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for $15?

 

Dear Tech Support

INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1..0, and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as:
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5,

and then installed undesirable programs such as :

· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4..1 …

Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
· Boy friend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command::ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

· If that application works as designed , Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 ,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 ..

· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 -program These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

 

Letter to IRS on April 15th

Dear IRS,

I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog license tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting license tax, fishing license tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, Medicare tax, city, school and county property tax, real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle license registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, my state sales tax, and sales tax in other states that I have visited. There are many more that I can’t recall but I have run out of space and money.

When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake, (I’m out of cash). Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangel, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Daschle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

P.S. I will try to make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.

 

Community Service

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.